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Infertility: My Personal Story

4/29/2016

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I will never forget when I got into my car and drove to see my best friend in Ludlow, VT in March 2011. I was losing a pregnancy, my second loss, and was terrified of what the future might hold. Perhaps, a future with no children. I was so distraught that I drove from Boston to Ludlow, Massachusetts instead of Ludlow, Vermont; clearly so out of my mind in despair that I didn't notice I had been traveling in the wrong direction for 2 hours. 

Miscarriage is devastating. After the intense joy of learning that you are carrying life within you, the loss hits so hard. I was sad and really angry, if I'm honest. I remember scrolling through FB, seeing friend after friend announce pregnancies and births. I was happy for them, of course, but oh so envious. I'd study infertility/miscarriage forums and try to self-diagnose what was going on; blaming myself for our losses and wondering what I did to cause the loss. Was I too selfish? Did I workout too hard? Did I eat well enough? Sleep enough? Manage my stress well enough? Would my husband want to stay with me if I couldn't have a successful pregnancy? 

My OB had told me that there was nothing we could do, if I continued to have miscarriages (4 to be exact), we'd be referred to a specialist. FOUR. I decided not to wait and pushed to be seen within a few weeks. After one of our first screenings, I was diagnosed with a Uterine Septum - our specialist was certain this was causing our infertility.

I had surgery shortly thereafter and was pregnant within two months. Our little Benjamin was born in May 2012 (and Nathan in March of 2014).
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I know that Jeff and I are very lucky, that there are so many couples who have fought and struggled for much longer than us. But, that year and a half rocked our worlds. Joy, heartache, confusion, uncertainly, anger, sadness, shame...it became the center of our worlds. It wasn't until I started sharing my experience that more and more friends and family came out of the woodwork to tell us their stories.

It's National Infertility Awareness Week and this is why I'm sharing my story. The theme of the social awareness campaign is #startasking, start asking the tough questions that bring awareness to infertility and bring support for those who need it. 

I know there's a stigma and shame surrounding infertility but I hope you'll consider sharing your story, too. I'll be honest, I wasn't sure I wanted to share mine, after all, I know that there are others who have struggled to a much greater degree and those who have endured the heartbreak of knowing they will never have kids. But, there's shame in that thinking too, isn't there? 


My experience with infertility, losing my two little angels, going through two D&C's, allowed me to step into my power in a new way; to notice the joy around me (even in the sorrow), to seek support, to exercise self-compassion even when I wanted to beat myself up, to move forward one day at a time and to be grateful for all the ways my life was full, even if I couldn't have what I wanted.
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Powerlifting: My Year 1 Journey + How YOU Can Too!

4/21/2016

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Just over a year ago, I said good-bye to my husband and two little guys (3 and almost 1 at the time) and hopped on a plane to Santa Monica, California to go to, what was for me (and many others), a completely life changing event.  I was headed to The Radiance Retreat, which is an annual event hosted by lifestyle and fitness experts Neghar Fonooni of Eat, Lift and Be Happy, Jen Sinkler of Thrive , and Jill Coleman of JillFit Physiques.
 
The universe was plotting a bit of an intervention for me, you see. I had recently been let go from my role as General Sales Manager for a top radio station in Boston, a career I had cultivated for 10+ years. I was considering many options to jump back into Corporate America but I was feeling a pull to begin anew and follow a dream I’ve had for years. In fact, months before my career change, I had pressed "buy" to attend this retreat. As a lifelong fitness lover and health enthusiast, I wanted to begin a business to help time starved women create the healthy change they are seeking in their lives and this weekend was a chance to explore the viability of this venture. 
 
After Day 1, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that this was my time to forge this new career path. This weekend away, the friendships created, the inspiration gleaned, the exceptional business and training content covered…I left more inspired than I had been in years. As I sat on the plane on my way back to Boston reflecting on my weekend and my vision, Be PowerFULL was born. Just one short month later, I launched www.jessicaoar.com. It's been an amazing first year of dedication, growth, challenge and opportunity and I feel so grateful that I said ‘yes’ and jumped.
 
But, there was another completely unexpected turn of events during my weekend in Venice Beach. My personal fitness path was forever changed when I walked through the doors of Paradiso CrossFit where Jen Sinkler and Jennifer Vogelgesang Blake (JVB) were about to engage us in a conversation about Deadlifts and Biofeedback, an intuitive training model.
 
I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t walk into that gym with a little bit of a competitive spirit that day. As a lifelong athlete, I felt confident trying new fitness training methods throughout the years; recreational teams, boxing, various bootcamp classes, flag football. I figured I’d pick it up rather quickly. I didn’t expect to be pretty much one of the greenest of green lifters of the group. In fact, let's be real, I wasn’t a lifter. I had barely touched a barbell before in my life. I was a runner, sprinter, triathlete, a queen of metabolic conditioning with moderate weights.
 
Here’s the thing about deadlifting: this is not a grip and rip kind of move where you jump in and see how it goes. I was immediately humbled, both because of the serious implications if I didn’t listen to my body and practice solid form, but also because lifting dead weight off the ground is god-damn HARD. But, oh so rewarding. Here’s a video of Newbie Jess doing my first deadlifts ever. I’ll tell you this, I felt my glutes and back the next day….like, whoa! (PS - how serious do I look?)

Here’s a picture of my friend Lara, this girl is an absolute powerhouse! I was in awe of the fact that she was pulling 225 lbs up from the floor like it was nothing! (Lara has trained with Jen Sinker, JVB and Mark Schneider From The Movement Minneapolis in Mark's first Thrive Strength Women's coaching group).
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4 Lessons of Powerlifting - Year 1
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#1 Embrace Sisterhood

One of the first things I discovered in that gym that day was an overwhelming spirit of sisterhood. As a competitive athlete and salesperson, I was no stranger to approaching each situation positioning to be the best. But, I was surprised to find that there was not one woman in that gym that was trying to beat each other out. On the contrary, it was an environment of comradery and togetherness in strength. In fact, when I spoke up about my inexperience, many experienced lifters swarmed to help me learn the intricacies of the sport they love. One of the first to meet me at the barbell was JVB of Strong Is Fun. JVB, if you don’t know her, is a super talented and badass powerlifting coach at The Movement Minneapolis and creator of Unapologetically Powerful, an online powerlifting program. 

#2 Train with Intention + Patience
When I got home from California, I got to work. That experience, seeing the power and confidence radiating from these women who had been training for years and years with heavy weight, it lit a fire within me. It was a different kind of fire than I had experienced before. I didn't want to train to beat anyone else, I wanted to get better for myself and step into my power to learn something new with discipline and self-compassion, similar to the journey that each of my clients go on as they begin anew. It's a journey that's entirely personal and about being more, and doing more, progressively, and believing that you are capable. This new fitness challenge was exactly what I was looking for.

My heavy lifting journey wasn't entirely smooth initially. I was learning from form videos on YouTube videos I had googled, there were times that I attempted way too much weight when my ego took over, moments where I wasn't lifting safely with the equipment, and where didn't have a clear understanding for how to progress my lifts and support my training in the three big lifts with other training. I knew I needed to enlist the help of a coach if I wanted to take my progress, and safety, seriously. 

#3 Ask For Help
I then had the pleasure of working with Jen Sinkler and JVB in an beta coaching group for Unapologetically Strong. It was here where I really started to see my training soar and progress. I got access to these two super talented coaches who are the best at what they do and deliver feedback that just makes sense; every cue tip I received from them was on point and easy to understand. When I approach the bar, I think about Jen's cue of "squeezing oranges under my armpits" to really pack my shoulders and engage my lats in my deadlift. When I approach my squat, I stagger my feet, something JVB helped me to tweak so I can get lower in the movement. I also learned to use new equipment and became comfortable with the accessory moves that upped the ante on my lifts.

As Cardigan Mark at The Movement Minneapolis is quoted saying "If you want to be OK at something, do it yourself. If you want to be the best at something, hire a coach", and in my next phase, I did just that. 

When JVB announced Unapologetically Powerful, her guide to strengthening your squat, bench and deadlift, I was in immediately. I outfitted my garage gym with a power rack, barbell, bench and plates and worked through her 12 week powerlifting program. Not only was it thorough, easy to understand and implement, but I PR'd like crazy using her guide. I'm also fully equipped with all the information I need to enter and train for my first powerlifting meet...which is absolutely my next step.

#4 Be Big
Perhaps, one of the most impactful lessons I've learned in my first year of powerlifting is that this sport is not about shrinking, in fact, it celebrates bigness in every sense of the word. It celebrates building muscle, but not for our appearance - although that's fun too - but for what it represents. Discipline, consistency, power, physical and mental strength, a strength that extends beyond the gym and into every aspect of our lives. As many fitness professionals are still talking about losing weight and getting smaller, powerlifting celebrates strength in all shapes and sizes. 

I was beyond excited to see JVB announce her Unapologetically Powerful Virtual Powerlifting Meet (happening this week!). If you want a dose of inspiration and to see what this sport is all about, head on over to #upowerful and check out all the incredible women squatting, benching and deadlifting like crazy. I'm having so much fun participating and cheering everyone on! You get 3 attempts on each lift and it's all happening this week. I completed my submissions today, check out the video below to see my PR's in all 3 lifts!
Want to get started? 
If you want to get stronger than you ever thought possible, look no further than this program, Unapologetically Powerful. I heard that JVB is offering it half off through Friday, April 22nd as part of the virtual meet this week. This program is cowritten with Jen Sinkler, with valuable input from Movement Minneapolis founder David Dellanave.

Here's what's in the program:
  • A comprehensive training manual that includes Beginner and Early Intermediate 12-week powerlifting programs, with a detailed introduction to biofeedback training.
  • An extensive guide on how to compete for first-time powerlifters who want to step onto the platform.
  • A complete exercise glossary with clear-cut written coaching cues and images.
  • A massive video library of more than 140 exercise demonstration videos. Every movement in the program is in the video library, with detailed coaching cues to walk you through each exercise step by step.
  • A 4-week pre-powerlifting program add-on written by David to prepare your body to safely train for the back squat, bench press, and deadlift.
Click here to learn more on her HALF PRICE offer!
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The Art Of Micro-Adjustments.

4/5/2016

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Did you know that a large percentage of time that we're traveling on an airplane, the plane is actually flying off course? I was floored when I heard this, but actually, the more I thought about it, the more I got it. Weather patterns, emergencies...just as we drive a car, pilots must be alert and constantly making tiny micro-adjustments to keep the plane on course, until it reaches it's final destination. 

I heard this recently in an Amy Porterfield interview with author, Michael Hyatt, of "How To Intentionally Design the Life You Want". A reader of Michael's, a pilot, had reached out to him to share this fact (above) and discuss Michael's belief that most people don't make these types of micro-adjustments in their lives because they don't have a clear destination. Thus, they are drifting off course.

Michael says, "But, if we know where we're going and we're willing to be honest with where we are, then we can be patient to take the steps we need to be in a different place". 

Guys, I love this so much. So much so, that when I was listening to this Amy Porterfield Podcast while driving, I had to veer off the road (pun intended) to make notes about how I feel this applies to dieting. Because, I think there's a distinct connection between the way pilots operate their course and how I believe we should manage our nutrition.

But, I'll first start with what we are conditioned to do. Say we feel that we have weight to lose and we're home on the weekend flipping through TV channels and we see the latest diet system on an infomercial. We get sucked in, right? The marketing, the promises, the lab-tested results...we think, yes...THIS!...this is the plan I was waiting for!

The problem is, many of the diets we try that are one-sized fits all plans, fail to address that each of us is unique, they fail to address our former relationship with food, our unique hormonal make-up...our lifestyle. While a 21 day diet where you're told what, when, and how to eat may get quick results, most of the time, it's at the expense of the long term vision, the longterm destination.

So, to keep the travel analogy going, it's like the driver or pilot becoming aware of an obstacle, like a pocket of weather or patch of ice, and aggressively veering off course, rather than making logical, small micro-adjustments.

We panic, right? We want the results right now so we go ALL IN to crazy diets, but unfortunately, that sometimes results in crashes - in undoing everything we worked hard for - in staying stuck in the same reasons we were unhappy to begin with.

Mindfulness around our nutrition and goals means truly listening to ourselves, becoming a student and taking the longview. It's not the most attractive way in the eyes of modern society, but it is the sustainable way. 

In my fat-loss lifestyle program (join the waitlist here) and my private coaching, I work with my clients from a tried and true framework that helps each individual to get off the "rules" bandwagon and start creating their own fat-loss lifestyle, making their own micro-adjustments, where they're meeting their goals in a sustainable way and, by the way, taking more ownership over the results.

I don't think that I have all the answers, not by a long shot. Nor does the scientist or doctor from the program you see on infomercials. YOU do, actually. With some research, a coach and some hard work, I do think that you can actually design a lifestyle you enjoy where you're happy with the way you're moving and eating, and getting the results you desire.

So, where do you start?

Become aware. Ask questions of yourself. Be an observer in your own life. Don't go on autopilot but begin to ask why... A LOT.

Take one week where you keep a food journal and note how your energy, hunger and cravings feel at 9am, 12pm, 3pm and 6pm each day. Start to identify times of the day when your energy crashes and has you reaching for treats or which foods cause you to become ravenously hungry just a short time after you consume them.

Make mental notes of times where you are eating mindlessly or feeling out of control with your nutrition. How do you feel? What triggers do you notice? Did you did you skip breakfast and lunch but eat a continuous meal from dinner to bedtime because you didn't eat all day long? Did you intend to order a salad at lunch but get caught up in peer pressure from co-workers to go in on a pizza? Did you have enough food on hand for simple, nutritious dinners at home or did you fall into the take-out trap?

One week. Start here. You will be impressed with what you notice when you stop implementing plan after plan and start turning inward to simply notice. See, we can't decide a destination until we know where we are. 

Remember Michael Hyatt's wise words, "...if we know where we're going and we're willing to be honest with where we are, then we can be patient to take the steps we need to be in a different place".  


If you can do this with self-compassion and a bit of a clinical view, removing judgement and shame but just noticing, you'll see the large picture and be able to identify the "big rocks" of your new micro-adjustment journey. Think; small changes, big benefits. ​

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    Jessica Oar | Personal Group Training on South Shore MA | Fitness and Nutrition Coach
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