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i'M ALWAYS ASKED WHAT THE PERFECT 3PM PICK-ME-UP SNACK IS AND FRIENDS, THIS IS IT!

If you know me, you know that I love to cook and I can cook (without a recipe is preferred!) but I tend to make the same things over and over again because they just work for us. Automating some of our meals is key for this busy mom. Energy bites are one of our weekly staples so I make them in bulk and always have them on hand.

I primarily make these for my kids because I find that there are very few pre-packaged snacks on the shelves that actually fill them up without the side of effects of high amounts of sugar. For a mom of two active boys (almost 6 and 4), it's on me to follow my own advice for MY nutrition fueling the kiddos on foods that balance their hunger, energy and cravings.

I don't know about you but if I don't get this right, my boys are in the kitchen constantly asking for something to eat. So, my motive when preparing their snacks is to to give them tons of filling fiber, protein, water with controlled amounts of sugar.

I came up with my energy bite recipe years ago and I've revamped it recently to add a bit more protein and a texture that's more "rollable". If you know you love them, make these in bulk. If not, start small, and when you're ready, go big with this full recipe.

BIG BATCH ENERGY BITES

Remember to cut in half or 1/4 if you are just trying this recipe out! This recipe makes about 5 dozen golf-ball sized energy bites.

INGREDIENTS:

Dry ingredients:
1 bag of quick-cooking oats (I use Bobs Red Mill Quick Cooking Rolled Oats)
1/2 c. unsweetened coconut flakes
1/2 c. ground flaxseed
1/2 c. protein powder (I use vanilla Vega Sport)
1 tbsp. cinnamon

*Potential additions/substitutions: chocolate chips, raisins, cocoa powder, vanilla, nutmeg, ground chia seed,

Wet ingredients:
2, 16-oz containers of your favorite nut butter - preferably lower sugar (I use Sun Butter)
8-10 oz of local honey (If you're in MA, I use Boston Honey Company Raw Wildflower)
4-8 oz. of unsweetened vanilla almond milk
*Check out notes in preparation for warning on milk!

*Potential additions/substitutions: chocolate chips, raisins, cocoa powder, vanilla, nutmeg, ground chia seed,

PREPARATION:

Combining it all:
Using a large mixing bowl, combine all the dry ingredients first. Combine dry ingredients and then add wet ingredients with the exception of the almond milk. Note that this is a bit of a challenge to mix up so try to be patient! I use a hard spatula to fold all the ingredients together and make sure I'm getting all the dry ingredients mixed into the honey and nut butter. So, you'll continue scooping up ingredients from the bottom and folding them into the mix until the loose oats are mixed in. Once everything is evenly mixed, add almond milk slowly in only to wet the mixture enough and let it finish combining and be the right consistency for rolling. You could also use melted and cooled coconut oil with this step. Try not to overdo the milk, this is just to allow for rolling into bites. Too much can make the bites a bit chewy.

Rolling into bites:
Once you have a mix that you're ready to roll, wet your hands with water to avoid piling up of the honey and nut butter on your hands. I like to roll into a golf-ball size so each "bite" is about 3-5 actual bites. This recipe makes about 5 dozen energy bites.

Place energy bites in a Tupperware container and store in the fridge and/or freezer (can be eaten straight from the freezer).

Note: I don't have nutritional info on this but note your portions. As nut butter is a high-calorie fat and can tend to be overeaten, I use one for me for a small snack but give two to the kids for a heftier snack to hold them over until their next meal.

Enjoy and be sure to comment to let me know how you like this!

xo-Jess

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EVER GET STUCK IN THE WEIGHT LOSS ADVICE RABBIT-HOLE?

12/4/2017

Many years ago, I created a Google Alert on my browser for the key words "fat loss". As a coach, I like to stay informed on the latest trends around fat loss. But, I'll be honest, I mostly ignore the emails that hold my search results because I grow tired of reading all the ways people are conned into buying fat loss programs ("buy this magic solution!"). But, a few days ago, I decided to take a minute to review the latest search results and what happened was not surprising.

In the keyword results email, I clicked on the Times Now article "Decoded: How Social Media can help you lose weight FAST".

Sounded catchy...I wanted to know what they had to say...

The article was actually ok, sans the catch-phrases and typical weight loss marketing lingo like, "here's a simple trick to burn stubborn body fat effectively!". The trick that was to begin sharing your journey on social media.

Ok, I can sort of get behind this. In fact, as an online coach, I love this.

Now, I don't think you need to broadcast to your personal pages that you're about to try to lose weight or post your 'before' picture or anything but I do think social media is a great tool. I love how the accessibility of social media offers us accountability for our weight loss journey, especially if we're in closed groups with like-minded people. I also love the ownership in the process that's assumed when you're open to sharing the journey and making what you're doing a lifestyle, versus a on-again-off-again typical diet cycle. Mostly, I love the community and comradery social media can provide.

I used to scour the "Body For Life" forums back in 2008 when I got really fit following that program. I loved commiserating with the other participants about how I lived in the bathroom all day from all the water I was drinking or how I could barely walk up the stairs after 'leg day'. I felt like we were all in it together.

Here's where things went wrong on this little internet break I took.

In the text of the article I was enjoying, I was directed to read this article: "Seven foods to avoid if you want to lose weight, stay disease free". I ignored it but as I continued to read about how social media involvement helps with weight loss, it was also suggested I read "Revealed - Why Winter season is the best season for weight loss". I clicked on it because now I was into a little science experiment. And, the link didn't sound too "click-baity".

But, right as I started reading, it was suggested I also read: "Detox your body and lose weight with honey-lemon tea this winter". Oye. I clicked on that and just a few sentences in, was redirected to read about how Ghee can help me lose weight with a list of 5 reasons I should be eating it every day. I was mentally exhausted from all the detours. I put myself in my shoes many years ago when I was a restrict-then-binge dieter and I imagined how overwhelmed and confused I'd be if I was sifting through all this information back then.

I am a blogger, internet entrepreneur and marketer. I get it. During this experiment, the internet was feeding me articles that will strike my fancy because of my interest in the original article about weight loss. This is normal, we all get this. We're not confused anymore about why that crock pot we had in our cart on Target.com last night is now showing up in the alley of ads next to the article we're reading today (or, why the exact model shows up in our social media newsfeed until we buy the damn thing!)

Here's what sucks.

Weight loss, or the intention of losing weight, is personal. It's emotional. It's meaningful to us. We want to get past perceived failures and finally lose the weight. So, even though we know we're doing it and we're hip to the internet marketing algorithms, we go down the rabbit hole because we're DESPERATE to find the fix. We listen to ads that tell us we really just needed keto our whole lives or that eating just plants is the only solution.

So in the quiet of our homes at 2am when we're awake looking for solutions, we then find ourselves 10 articles deep on tangents about how ancient herbs will help us shed underarm fat.

What happens then? We get confused, overwhelmed and then do nothing. I did this many times before and I hear it from my clients constantly. The paralysis by analysis is a real barrier to actual progress.

The real fix is creating a lifestyle you can maintain.

You're solution won't show up in a 3-day juice cleanse, detox, tea or even a 15-day exercise challenge. These things may ignite your fire but they won't be the catalyst to real change. The real change is in finding the way of eating, moving and LIVING (for you), that is doable day after day after day after day. The restrictive solutions are sexy but they are rarely, if ever, the solution.

I say this all the time to women I work with, I don't have the special sauce. I'm not trademarking a proven trick to help women shed pounds forever. What I coach isn't ground breaking but it's real, lasting and important.

I help women to exercise intensely but not too much and eat more of the right foods with consistency. That's truly it. Of course, there's a lot of mindset work wrapped up in this but if there's anything that's not too good to be true, it's learning how to #LiveInTheMiddle. No all-in's or all-off's, just a way of living every day that keeps us focused on consistency.

I truly do want people to read my blogs and articles (thanks for being here!) but I hope to never be a part of an internet reading binge that ends in confusion, overwhelm and inaction. In fact, I'd like to help you take the first real step in your journey that's positive, realistic and helps you step into your power for change.

P.S.- If you want to receive exclusive emails about nutrition, fitness and mindset, enter your email here and let's get started!

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HOW TO MOVE PAST MISTAKES.

10/25/2017

Working with women on their health every single day, it doesn't strike me that we have a problem admitting to the mistakes we make. Not in the least bit, actually. But, what we DO have a problem with is making those mistakes useful.

What I mean by that is that we are often first in line to report where we messed up but we're not always willing to transmit that mistake into positive action in our lives. Making us better, rather than wallowing in the circumstances and regret around what's gone down. Note: I'm not talking about bullying ourselves into action, I'm talking about uncovering what the mistake represents.

I was recently listening to a "Sunday Sermon" from Elizabeth Dialto's "Untame The Wild Soul" Podcast. In this particular episode, Elizabeth discussed when anger can be holy versus destructive. When we do the work to make sure our anger is holy, not destructive, Elizabeth says "we [are] observ[ing] it, feeling it all the way through. Transmut[ing] it [into] beautiful expression. Travel[ing] it as a bridge to our pain and ultimately, releas[ing] and rebuild[ing] what has been lost, violated or tainted. Anger is holy when we know how to treat it".

This is also true with our mistakes.

Often, when we've made a mistake and we've acted in a way that either doesn't serve us our loved ones or align what we want for ourselves, we can feel pain in the form of regret and shame. And, holding on to that pain, can hold us in a quicksand of inaction. If we stay there, I fear, we give over to self-loathing and we slowly begin to start concocting more stories about why that mistake perfectly represents us. How it defines us.

I'm not talking in code, by the way. This exact situation has come up for me recently.

Last Saturday, I brought my son to the soccer field where all the small kids in town gather to play on Saturday mornings. Ben was resistant to soccer sign-up from the start, only interested in acquiring the equipment but super hesitant about actually meeting the coach and getting out on the field. He's a brave soul, but careful, and has always been slow to jump into new situations. Sometimes, I feel that if I get him to try something, he'll love it and all the nerves will wash away. But, other times, if it's not his idea or if he feels forced, he'll put that wall up real fast.

Me, on the other hand, I like things to go the way I've planned and when they don't and I have to flex my go with the flow mom muscles, I get real uncomfortable. This, for me, is a work in progress. If I'm stressed about other things and then kid resistance comes on, watch out! Long story short, I'm really bummed about how I reacted to Ben's nerves around soccer. I made him go to the field, watch the other kids and stuck to my guns for far too long when really, I should have listened to how he was feeling. This wasn't a time for a lesson in following through on our commitments or trying something because we may have a lot of fun. His idea of fun on his Saturday morning was NOT being out on the soccer field. It's also not lost on me that he didn't want to sign up for this anyway so a lesson in following through is a bit disconnected here. Also, he's 5. So.

Introspection though, is my jam. I've done a lot of work since Saturday to unpack what was going on for me that morning. A call to a confidant who could tell it like it is (my sister), made me realize how I misstepped and that ultimately, Ben needed my compassion and not a push to get out on that field. As I replayed how things went down, I was FULL of regret. How could I have missed this opportunity to support him? In my introspection, as Elizabeth Dialto mentioned, I traveled the bridge to the pain that I was feeling from not being the Mom Ben needed then and I worked to explore why I felt so personally triggered by his resistance to follow through with the plans.

I don't know, maybe I felt a lack of control that morning with the boys? Maybe I was worried about Ben never liking soccer and not becoming Norwell's next soccer star (eye roll). Maybe I was wishing it was just easier to arrive and have him run off happily like some of the other kids do (the parenting comparison trap is real, yo). Maybe I worried that I'm a trainer, and obviously he needs to like all sports, right? (cue another eye roll)

Here's what I could have done. I could have felt regret for not being tender enough with Ben and layered on another story about how my temper always get the best of me. "'I'm just fiery, I can't help it", I could say. Obviously, this gives me no tools to not recreate this type of situation again. I also could have labeled Ben a resistant child or a kid that doesn't like new things, ever. And that would suck because he needs freedom and room to grow and the ability to be his authentic self in any situation, without labels.

I decided to focus on repair. I sat with how the way I reacted might have felt for him. Then I apologized to Ben and said how sorry I was for forcing him to go. I told him he's welcome to play, but whenever he feels ready...if he feels ready. In just a few short days, we found a new activity for him to enjoy...tumbling. I approached it completely differently and after a small transition time, he went off with the coaches and had an absolute BLAST.

In many coaching situations, my clients are exploring past mistakes they've made around their health. They've gotten into poor patterns with their nutrition and inactivity and they've built up stories that they're just not someone that can become in shape or choose healthful foods that nurture their bodies with consistency. They've taken on the identity from their mistakes and in doing so, have lost their will to try to become a person who actively chooses a healthy lifestyle.

When we feel that we've been telling ourselves those same old stories, built from past mistakes we've made, we need to know that we have an opportunity to reclaim how we want to move forward. We don't need to stay in that place of shame, regret and dissonance.

I love the visualization Elizabeth describes when talking about traveling our anger like a bridge, feeling it wholly, then actively doing something about it. Can we also do this with our mistakes? I think so. The mistakes are done. Now, how can they become holy and not destructive?

Your move.

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PERFECT HARD-BAKED EGGS.

10/20/2017

If we're working on sticking to a diet that supports fat-loss, protein is undoubtedly on our minds.

Why protein? It makes us feel fuller quicker during our meals and because it's metabolized slower, protein keeps us fuller for longer between meals. Think about the last time you had a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast versus a veggie omelet, chances are the omelet kept you fuller for longer and kept you out of the break room looking for your next sugary treat (leftover muffins from that last meeting, anyone?).

Hard boiled eggs are my favorite source of protein to snack on during the week. So much so, that I prepare a dozen at the start of every week.

But, I used to fumble around a lot with how long I needed to boil them to get them just right and make them easy to peel.

Do I put vinegar in the water or not?
Should I boil the water first, THEN place the eggs or...
Start the eggs IN the water before turning on the burner?

Not to mention the fact that once in the water, one of my kids would have a meltdown and I'd forget that something was on the stove! 😤 After having water boil over on my stove one too many times while I was upstairs with a child, I opted to try to bake my eggs and I've never turned back.

Here's how you do it...

1. Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

2. Place raw eggs gently into a 12-cup muffin pan, one per slot.

3. Bake for 25 minutes at 350 degrees F.

4. Prepare an ice bath for the eggs. Simply fill a large mixing bowl with water and ice and get ready on the counter.

5. Remove eggs from the oven. Note: it's normal to see tiny brown spots appear on the shells around when the yolk is cooked through - if you like softer yolks, pull out of the oven sooner.

5. Using tongs, plunge one egg at a time gently into the ice bath and cool thoroughly 5-10 minutes.

6. Remove eggs one by one and peel. Technique tip: I like to turn the egg on it's side (the opposite way you would stand it straight up to serve Deviled Eggs) and tap hard against the counter right in the middle of the egg. Turn and tap keep tapping along that middle section. Shell should peel right off as you pull from the middle section towards the top and bottom of the egg.

7. Store peeled eggs in a glass container in the refrigerator. I like to line the container with paper towels and lay eggs in after peeling (or pack individually or in pairs if you plan to take out on the road).

A medium egg has about 6 grams of protein. As a snack, I'll usually have two hard-baked eggs with an apple or handful of berries. Don't forget to halve and sprinkle with pink himalayan salt before eating - it's so good!

Enjoy and let me know how it goes!

xo - Jess

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ATTN: PUMPKIN LOVERS. HERE'S A PROTEIN SMOOTHIE YOU CAN'T MISS!

10/16/2017

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How long does organic pumpkin puree last in the pantry? Because, I think this one has been on board for a while! It possibly even made the move from the city to the suburbs with us a few years ago? That said, I wanted to give my ladies in Connect + Be PowerFULL, my online coaching club, a taste of the season in their protein smoothie practice and this recipe worked really well.

Note: If you're opening a can of pumpkin puree to make this like I did, spoon the unused portion into an ice cube tray and freeze so you can use again before the Fall is over. I may even try to mix this with nutmeg after Thanksgiving.

FALL-ING FOR PUMPKIN + POTATO SMOOTHIE 🍁

In a blender combine:
1 Tbsp. Organic Pumpkin Puree
1/2 Small Sweet Potato (already baked with skin on - I took mine right from the fridge)
1/2 Scoop Vega Vanilla Protein Powder
1 c. Hemp or Unflavored Almond Milk
4 Ice Cubes
1-2 oz. Water

Blend well and after pouring into glass, top with a sprinkle of cinnamon. The protein and starch in this smoothie makes for a great post-workout refuel! Enjoy!

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HOW TO CRUSH A WORKOUT BY YOURSELF.

10/7/2017

When I have to cancel class in my gym, I always post a workout of the day online for my community to work on at home. I'll almost always hear this: "But Jess, I know I can't get as good of a workout at home because I can't push myself on my own!"

Have you ever said something like this?

I wonder if it's really true though. While a gym environment loaded with external motivation of peers and coaches CAN elicit a killer workout, I think we underestimate how much determination we really have. And while I know that some of us are born with an insane desire to achieve and that discipline comes easy, I believe we are all hardwired to want to work hard in our fitness.

Think about the last time you walked around saying how sore you were from the workout you did two days prior. Weren't you proud as hell for what you were able to accomplish? Weren't you thrilled about how hard you worked? What if you could generate this pride completely on your own, on-demand?

We may not be giving ourselves credit for our inherent mental strength.

It's not so much the physical work that might scare us but our lack of confidence in our mental fortitude to push through when the rubber meets the road and no one is watching. We wonder if we have that bit of grit that helps that helps us fight through discomfort instead of stopping right at the first sign of it.

We need not be an athlete or competitor to deserve or complete a hard, gritty workout.

You are fit right now, not in six months once you've run a half marathon. If you're like a bunch of the women I begin working with, you think in absolutes - you're either super fit and adorning a six pack or lazy AF and out of shape. But, come on, there's a lot of in between, right? You may not work out as much as you'd currently like but you're likely much more active than you think!

Walking the dog several times a day, going on weekend hikes with the family, picking up and putting down your kids all day long, hitting the pavement for a jog when the inspiration strikes you...you're an active woman!

Now, I know you might not be crushing crossfit workouts, running marathons and doing tough mudders every weekend but you're more ready than you think to dial into a gritty workout like a short, intense (for you) metabolic conditioning circuit.

So, what are metabolic workouts?

They're a bit different than a smooth and steady cardio session on the elliptical or doing some curls and tricep extensions in the weight room. Think about it as an intense wresting match where you're using every fiber of your strength to get free, or, the feeling you get when you have a 35 lb kid on your back and you're hoofing up a tough incline on the end of your hike. Now, think about doing that for 15-20 minutes. This is metabolic training. We're not just working aerobically, not just working anaerobically, we're doing both.

It's not going for a long run and reaching that runner's high where you could keep going for miles on end. It's also not lifting the heaviest amount you can for 1-3x reps. It's an ongoing intensity that lasts the whole workout.

A simple way to spot check if you're training metabolically - Follow my Chase the B.U.R.N. method.

You should be Breathless, Unable to Speak, Really Sweaty and Needing to Rest for the entire workout. If you're heart rate is up, you're not able to hold a conversation with a friend, you're generating a lot of thermic heat and you're being forced to rest often...you're doing it right!

How do we get around the mental barriers that might stop us from digging deep in a workout in the shadows of our basement? A few tricks...

Training metabolically is a total mind f*ck, it really is. I wouldn't want to sugar coat it for you. Like anything, the more you do it the more comfortable you'll feel with the discomfort of the workout.

1. Get confident with the moves.

I recommend that if the mental block is your ability and you feel like you don't know how to to do the moves, this is the perfect time to pay for one or two personal training sessions to work through exercise form and make sure you're moving your body safely. Information and practice builds competence, competence builds confidence and confidence is key here in metabolic training.

2. Be ok with rest.

Know this: you will need to rest. Most of the women I train hate this - at first. They feel like a failure because we are conditioned, say with running, for example, to believe that when workouts become easy, we're in shape. What you can know about metabolic training is that as you get stronger and more confident, you're effort will improve and you'll always be pushing to the point of needing to rest. So, these workouts never get easier. They progress with you.

3. Get your mind right with some tricks.

Distraction
In my annual #GrittyUp challenge, we talk about how to mentally push ourselves in our workouts. One trick in particular that many Be PowerFULL trainees use while sprinting and we want to give up: we start counting and focus on the rhythm and start-and-end points of a 1-10 counting chant. We'll also plan our playlist well and focus on the lyrics or beat of our favorite tunes as we're considering

Visualization
Another great trick that one came from my sister. I lived with her one summer between college semesters and at th time, we were training together for half-marathon. At the end of our run, we had to take on this grueling hill that seemed to last forever...and we hated it. She said she'd picture someone she wouldn't want to her fail, standing at the top of that hill. It always gave her the grit to push.

We all have that person, don't we? Put them front and center in your mind's eye, hold onto that image and get it done. Prove it to them that you won't give up. Now, this trick isn't about holding onto anger and resentment with others, it's more about using them as bait to prove something to yourself in the heat of the moment.

Get Clinical
Instead of thinking about how much time is left in the workout, focus on every single rep. Feel the movement from start to finish and keep the form impeccable building up the mind-muscle connection. Be in the moment rather than time traveling to a place that's scary, like focusing on failure or weakness.

Read to get metabolic, mama? Only one more day to download my FREE Metabolic Mamas resource for women with over a dozen metabolic workouts to get more efficient and effective with your fitness. If you want to improve your physique, save time and improving your mental grit, this is the perfect resource for you.

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JUST A MOM DOING MY BEST.

8/19/2017

I'm just a mom doing my best.

I don’t have everything all figured out. I’m an entrepreneur, wife and mom muddling through the messiness, joy and all the in between, just like everyone. So, if ever my work reads, “I’ve got this figured out”, let me reassure you that I DON'T. I may have more experience with strength training, hormone balance and living in the middle but I SURE AS HELL have to re-learn a lot of the same lessons, re-balance when I've lost my way and re-prioritize with the best of them.

An example: I love powerlifting but I've found ZERO time/energy for keeping up with my training this summer. Work/life balance has been HARD and I've noticed that with less childcare coverage for work, I've made far less time for self-care than during the school year when my routine is more predictable. For me, these longer workouts have had to hit the back burner.

Of note: I’ve spent the past week full-time moming for the FIRST TIME EVER. Seriously.

Well, fine, there have been times in my 5.5 years tenure as a mom where we, or our childcare providers, have been on vacation, but this is the first week where I had zero childcare built in for work. To me, this was scary AF (but really exciting at the same time) to lean into. I run an in-person and online coaching business, household and life and I was nervous to re-allocate my time and energy, to have no ‘me time’. I coach in the mornings and get tired as hell at night (read: I fall asleep on the couch nightly) so midday is game on for getting stuff done.

I feared things, like...

What if I resented my kids because I fell behind in my work/life?

What if I liked this and wanted to put the brakes on my work?

What if things fell through the cracks because my technology was not on 24/7?

What if I hated being with my kids 24/7? Just being honest.

Guess what?

The world didn’t fall apart. I didn’t fall apart. My business, my marriage, our family…didn’t fall apart.

In fact, I fell in love with my kids even more this week. I tuned in HARD to their needs, I prioritized me less and focused on them more. They responded ten-fold.

A few years ago, I saw my kids for just 2-3 hours a day (well, 4-5 actually, if you include overnight hours with my newborn..ugh).

I was working a full-time sales management job in Boston, with a short commute but long hours and many after-hours events. Since, we’ve moved to the burbs, I’ve left Corporate America and started my online and in-person strength and fat-loss coaching. It’s been a whirlwind few years and I do believe I actually work MORE at times than I did before (hello passion!) - especially that first year starting this new venture.

I always do my best to focus on my family, my marriage and me in some sort of harmonious balance but if there’s anything I know for sure, perfect balance is never, if rarely, ever attainable.

If one area of our lives gets TOO much care and attention, the others are inherently affected.

Of course, I could argue, that taking 3 date nights a week would be great for our marriage but this wouldn't show positive effects all around. Three nights out would eventually break the bank, we'd see our kids less and would have far less time for all the other things that need to happen when those little guys are tucked away in their beds.

See, it’s all a dance. And we’re always just doing the best we can. Floating along, working on all the things. If we're listening, we're feeling the affects of imbalance, looking hard at what needs to change and adjusting our plans.

And if we’re not doing this, we’re hopefully calling ourselves out on our bullshit. And then finally re-adjusting and re-prioritizing to resolve issues that have surfaced.

My kids were showing me they needed me more and I had to answer the call. I leaned into my fear of losing my time and leaned into owning my role as their mom full-time. It seems silly even to have had to have this reality check but if there’s anything I want to do through Be PowerFULL, I want to be authentic and honest so you can be, too.

Try not to worry about why you are where you are...just worry about doing something about it. Action is truly the biggest superpower we have.

I took action. And I've surprised myself.

The exhausting days I feared were far easier (barring the typical 3 yo tantrums no one, just no one, can coach those) because my kids needs were met. I had more realistic expectations for myself so I didn't spend my time disappointed on how things were going. I practiced far more adaptability and far less perfection.

And, because I felt successful from the feedback my kids were giving me, I felt I could do more for me after they had gone to sleep. I spent far less emotional energy feeling helpless and far more energy feeling capable. My kids responded, relaxed...and so did I.

I'm just a mom doing my best - standing ready for the next lesson.

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DON'T FORGET THIS WHEN COMMITTING TO A GOAL.

6/26/2017

There's nothing quite as invigorating as committing to a new goal.

On my Private Coaching intake application, I pose a simple task: "Rate your readiness to create this change", referring to the goals my client has laid out in their responses to the application. The choices are; "I can't do it", "I may do it", "I will do it", "I'm doing it". It sounds like a silly exercise at first. Here they are ready to invest in a coaching relationship, of course their going to do it!

We know, of course, when we're putting ourselves on the hook for something, it's likely going to be work! It's going to challenge us, make us uncomfortable and take some, maybe a lot, of start-up energy as we create the momentum necessary for change.

As I've observed my own behavior and that of my clients over a several year period, I notice that there's one thing in particular that propels us into "I'm doing it!" mode...

We're goddamn ready. Usually, because we're fed up with our own bullshit and we can't imagine living one more day under that stress, shame and fear. This is a problem for us. We know it's going to be hard work to solve it, but it will be worth it, once we are on the other side.

But, there's a big misstep we make time and time again and I was reminded of it when I was reading Mark Manson's "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" over the weekend. We imagine our lives once we're deadlifting 350 pounds off the floor, once we're 30 pounds lighter, once we have sworn off sugar for good. We picture that life, who we are then, how we're living and how effortless it's going to feel once we have it all figured out. You know, that "I'll finally be happy when..." scenario? In this fool's illusion, we're sauntering into the gym without fail every morning at 5am with no help from an alarm clock and when we get dressed angels sing our praise as clothes slip on our body like a they were made just for us.

Of course, we know the reality, right?

When we got married, did the argument we've been having about the dirty underwear on the floor with our spouse go away? When we lost the 20 pounds, did we magically have zero self-esteem issues anymore? When we started working hard at the gym did we ever stop having to work hard?

As Mark Manson points out in his book, "Your problems never f*cking go away, they just improve". What he means here is with the solving of one problem, we create new problems. So, rather than try to remove problems from our lives, let's think instead about which problems are worth fighting for?

I'm not saying that not deadlifting 300 pounds is a problem for me. But, for someone who's been working diligently to increase my strength and power, it'd be nice to see some more PRs in my not to distant future. But, see, I've had to take random periods off in my training but this, this cycle of ramping up my training then taking time off when my attention is needed elsewhere in my life, this is a problem that excites me and is worth fighting for. I love the thrill of creating momentum again with my training. I love taking on new goals, fighting through setbacks and then working my way back to lifting big numbers again. I love the journey, not JUST the destination. My training is hard, a mind game at times and motivation wanes more often than I thought it would.

Mark talks about the modern self-help market that touts positivity and quick hit highs; "It’s really good and easy to consume...but there is an inherently painful and difficult struggle as part of growth and if you are never willing to hit people on the face with that, most people are just gonna avoid it...they’re just going to keep finding more feel-good stuff to distract themselves with.”

Keep in mind that there's utility in the struggle towards that goal you just committed to. When you get there, new problems may arise...scratch that, they WILL come up. But, if you've chosen a goal that aligns with your values and that's worth struggling for, you're probably giving a f*ck about about just the right thing. ;)

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The Devil Is In The Details: Stop Overwhelm Today.

4/25/2017

“Doing things is what I like to do - YES!”

I don’t even remember this Dunkin’ Donuts commercial to watch it but I remember the song because it’s become a personal joke between me and my husband.

We love productivity. We can both get into these moods where we’re buzzing around the house, knocking down to do’s and we’re like fast-paced versions of ourselves. It’s high energy and feels good to get a lot of shit done right? Especially those things that you think of all week long and you’re just psyched to move off the mental radar. One of us will undoubtedly not be in that doing mode and we’ll start singing the song under our breath to the other to send the message: “Hey, take it easy on this productivity thing because you're making my #pajamalife look bad".

Truthfully, I love multi-tasking and being busy. Remember serving tables in your 20’s?

God, being “in the weeds” was thrilling because it meant a major cash-out of tips at the end of the night. Cha-ching.

Productivity = results = money.

So, we often take this multi-tasking, productive mindset into all of our goals…especially those around fitness and nutrition. We think, "If I’m super busy, juggling all the things I need to do to reach the goal and my life becomes consumed by my task at hand…it’s all going to be amazing!".

Busyness = productivity = results (weight loss/training outcome).

It’s so easy. Change all the things that need to change, keep doing those things and poof…results! Except, wait, why haven’t we been able to keep up with our nutrition, with our workouts, with our meditation habits?

Has it occurred to us that being in the weeds isn’t helping?

I’ve fallen prey to this stuff before, believe me.

If I'm going to diet, I’m not only going to stop eating sugar (including even gum) but I'm going to detox and know all the phytonutrients I need every hour of every day. I’m going to be the healthiest person on the planet!

If I want to deadlift more weight, I need to know how to do every single accessory move there is to build strong glutes and hamstrings, I'm going to buy all the equipment, all the training programs. I’m going to lift more than any woman alive!

If I want to reorganize my office, I want to reorganize it all, even that weird drawer of papers from 2002 that I haven't touched in ages and really, at this point, doesn’t deserve to be riffled through. No drawer left behind, my house is 100% organized!

You see what I’m getting at right?

See, I happen to think that the devil IS in the details.

The answer to becoming productive and reaching our goals is NOT in the details, it’s in the big stuff. Or, what I refer to as the "big rocks".

I’ve recently been working with a coach - one of 3 I'm currently using right now (see, doing things IS what I like to do!) - to better understand my children, specifically how to manage tantrums. And even though I wanted all the steps to becoming more patient, to never shouting again, to changing my reactions for once and for all, what I got was a super simple lesson that’s helped my family way more.

It’s so simple it’s stupid. We’ve focused more on connection time. Simple, one-on-one connection time with each child daily. But, not as we as adults want it…letting the child take the lead. Listening, paying attention, having them feel heard. Disconnecting from busyness for a few minutes with each child.

It's a big rock. It’s not a cure-all but it’s a step that with consistency, has changed a lot more than we imagined.

I didn’t need to address all the things I needed to change. God, how overwhelming is that? How disappointing, too? Self-sabotaging even?

What if I yelled again? Would I chock it up to being too weak, too distracted to even try to not do it anymore. "This is just me, how I'm wired, I might as well not try". "Ugh, I’m useless". OR, could adding something big and positive, a big rock, in and doing this consistently, almost wash out the nitty gritty (negative) details I was uber focused on?

Want to better understand your children? Make time to connect in a meaningful way (to them) daily.

Want to deadlift more weight? Make deadlifting a part of your weekly workout regime. Literally, deadlift more often.

Want to lose weight (and keep it off)? Find a way of eating and exercising that's sustainable long-term.

In S.M.A.R.T. goal setting, one of the essential components is to make sure a goal is realistic. Most of us can undoubtedly say that losing 10 pounds is realistic, as my clients have said, “It shouldn’t be on me in the first place! Of course it’s realistic!”. If asked, we could probably then list 20 things that needed to happen in order to reach our 10 lb weight loss goal. But, guys, the STEPS need to be realistic.

Lowest Effective Dose Method.

My clients are busy. Our society is busy. We are strapped for time, energy and resources and we have to find action plans that are doable, not just for one week but longterm. This is why the lowest effective dose method is really the only way I coach. What is the least amount of work we can do for the biggest reward?

Sounds lazy? Nope, I think it's just plain realistic and smart.

#operationhydrationandmuscle

In #CPCLUB, my online healthy lifestyle member club, we're focused on two things with our nutrition for the last week of April, protein and water, and we're calling this #operationhydrationandmuscle. We believe that by doing these two things, we can actually achieve consistency (because it's manageable) and in doing so we'll also Keep our HEC in Check (an acronym that shows us if our hormones are in balance and mobilized for fat-loss): we'll manage our hunger (stay fuller for longer), we'll increase our energy and we'll effectively minimize cravings. This is it! Eating more protein and staying hydrated.

We're not counting calories, working out for two hours a day, eating the rainbow, cleansing toxins and chewing our food 30 times each bite. We're focusing on eating more protein and drinking good 'ol H20.

These two things are big rocks to fat-loss and sustainability with our diet.

Don't do these two things? Satiety decreases, cravings pop up, willpower tanks, energy tanks, old habits become easier to oblige. Do these two things? Notice remarkable changes in satiety and decreases in hunger, less cravings and more energy. It's so simple, it's stupid, right?

Hey, by the way, if you want to join us and see why and how we're doing it - you're welcome to come into the club for free for this little pop up challenge we're doing this week, happy to add you! Click here to come in and join us!

If you feel bogged down by all the information you consume about what you should be doing to optimize your health, I feel you. Being in the weeds is fun in some ways but I can promise you this information overload is not the same as a night working the restaurant floor. There will be burnout and confusion and perhaps paralysis by analysis.

Find your lowest effective dose and focus there for consistency. You'll be so happy you did.

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mom hack: do this to get more consistent with workouts.

4/18/2017

Forget high end gym memberships, personal training sessions, fancy home equipment, if you struggle to workout consistently, perhaps you've overlooked the biggest consistency obstacle: you're chasing perfection.

We often get caught up in the sexiness of that brand new rowing machine we can buy for our basements or those new classes all the moms at school pick-up are talking about, but the biggest area we can lean into improving is what we do when life (ahem, kids) get in the way. Do we practice flexibility and do our best or do we put it off and wait until another day because we can't execute perfectly?

Leveling up is in my DNA, I love to sign onto new coaching programs, training plans and systems. But, I too, used to struggle (and HARD) when I couldn't stick to the plan perfectly due to things popping up like having to rush home to relieve my caregiver if she had an emergency. The change of plans had me reeling and not knowing what to do next, I'd think "If I can't do it RIGHT, I guess I just shouldn't do it at all?".

Look, if our dishwasher broke down would we leave a sink full of dishes and never wash a plate or cup until it was fixed or would we wash the dishes by hand and move on? If we had a busy day planned at work but received a phone call that our kid needed to be picked up from the nurse's office would we leave our child at school sick so we could go on with the day as planned or would we figure out a way to dial into our meetings from home?

When we became mothers we learned, and within a few days at that, that even the best planning can't insulate us from the unexpected with kids. I can remember being home during maternity leave with my first child, just so excited to show him off and have adult conversation that I made a plan to attend a moms club breakfast a few blocks down from our condo in the city.

I planned all damn morning. I coordinated the perfect timing for when my son would eat last so he was happy, settled and quietly sleeping when I arrived. Of course, he had other plans. Within 5 minutes of arriving he was screaming to eat, had pooped out of his diaper and through his clothes and literally wanted to be anywhere but where we were (ugh, flustered mom puts down her mimosa).

As Moms, we have opportunities to lean into these moments and and stretch our patience, practice flexibility (I'm still working on this!) and realize imperfection is not only ok, but necessary, or we can remain stuck in quicksand, not taking action. For the record, I stuck around at that Moms breakfast and made some great connections.

So, how do we become a little less rigid when it comes to our workout schedule?

1. We realize that taking action trumps perfection, ALWAYS.

By all means, buy that expensive equipment or class series but if life happens and you can't get out of the house; a 5 minute Power-Up in your kitchen is better than nothing or a full workout that's interrupted 10x by children is better than one that is pushed to the back burner (#everylittlebitcounts).

2. We realize that an imperfection spurs creativity (and autonomy).

When we can figure out how to do a solid workout in a hotel room, a playroom or at the playground, we become empowered by the possibilities. We realize that we don't need our trainer holding our hand to get our workout done.

We look at a parking lot and see sprints, we figure we can deadlift one of our kids if we need to, we see pull-up attempts at the monkey bars or turn a simple park bench into a plyometric machine. We stop requiring perfection in order to take action.

Ready to get your workout in anywhere, Mom? Arm yourself with The Strong Mom Playground Workout Pack, 6 workouts designed to help busy moms get consistent and strong using playground equipment.

Get it free here.

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5 High-Protein Breakfasts In Under 4 Minutes For The Busy woman.

3/14/2017

If you usually skip breakfast completely, find yourself opting for a grab and go protein bar or don't even feel hungry upon waking (only to realize you ARE when you arrive at the coffee drive thru and a bagel sandwich is all of a sudden in your lap)...this ones for you.

I'm not one of those health coaches that is hell bent on my clients always eating breakfast. In fact, some folks do quite well saving their first meal for post-workout recovery around mid-morning - others intermittently fast until noon with great results - many find that larger breakfasts make them hungrier throughout the day. It's all individual.

But, I do believe that if you don't know what works best for you and your goals, that prioritizing breakfast, and the right breakfast at that, could be just the thing that helps you manage your hunger, and energy throughout the day.

You might find that beginning the day with overnight oats with protein powder and berries gives you sustained energy while your friend might do far better with egg whites, veggies and bacon. The approach is always individualized but there are two common side effects for those who choose NOT to eat a high protein, high fiber breakfast.

1. By lunchtime, they are ravenous and because of that, they choose a high fat/starch meal (and eat more of it than they normally would), leading to more compensatory cravings and hunger throughout the day.

2. They have little appetite all day but around 5pm, they start eating and they don't stop until they go to bed around 10pm. The continuous meal, as my friends at Metabolic Effect call it.

Back in January, I loved the opportunity to share with the women in Right To Ignite, the 28-day metabolism + fitness reset, how to start the day with filling protein + fiber breakfasts so they can begin balancing their hormones for fat-loss success. But, knowing what to eat and actually getting it done in a busy schedule are two different things.

I'm pretty automated with my nutrition. I tend to go on kicks and eat similarly week after week, down to the cooking style to the flavors I choose.

Here are 5 of my favorite (and quick!) recipes for high-protein, high-fiber meals so I stay fuller for longer and give me killer energy.

Simple Green Smoothie
1 scoop greens powder
8 oz. water
1 scoop Vanilla Vega Sport protein powder
1/2 avocado
1/2 apple
Ice cubes

Fried Eggs with Bacon Hash
1/2 zucchini
1/8 onion, diced
2 pieces of Boars Head pre-cooked bacon
1 c. bell peppers, diced
Heat a pan over med-high heat, cook the bacon for a few minutes until starting to brown, remove and chop and add back to the pan with veggies to cook together in a "hash". In a separate pan, fry up two eggs.

Riced Broccoli with Eggs
1.5 c. riced broccoli (purchased at Trader Joe's)
2 fried eggs
Heat a pan over med-high heat, add coconut or avocado oil and heat. Add the riced broccoli and brown with chosen seasoning (salt, pepper, garlic powder), remove when soft. Add eggs to hot pan and fry. Serve on top of broccoli slaw.

Microwave Egg Whites
2 c. egg whites
Top with pickled onions, in a jar or home pickled
1/4 avocado, sliced
Low sodium salsa
Pre-cooked sweet potato

At night, slice a red onion thinly and marinate in the fridge overnight in a mason jar: 1 part apple cider vinegar, 1 part white wine vinegar (use leftovers for salads). Pour eggs into a microwave safe-dish and cook on high for 4 minutes for a soufflé consistency. Top with avocado, salsa, pickled onions and pre-cooked sweet potato (with skin).

Chicken Sausage, Eggs and Peppers
1 chicken sausage link, sliced (can remove casing if you' d like)
2 fried eggs or egg whites, if you prefer
2 c. of sliced peppers
You can literally cook all of this in one pan, heat pan and start with peppers, slice chicken sausage and place in another quadrant of the pan and cook eggs in the last free spot (fried or scrambled).

You'll notice that a few of these are one bowl meals...I tend to gravitate to these, melding flavors that work together and can be combined and eaten like a chopped salad (because #BusyLife). For more of these #OneBowlWonders, make sure you're following me on IG by clicking here.

Enjoy!

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HOW TO SAVE YOUR WORKOUT: THE ALL-OR-"SOMETHING" APPROACH.

2/20/2017

I can bet that there's been a time where you've walked into the gym, started your workout and all of a sudden felt the wind come out of your sails. Either your mind wasn't in it, or your body wasn't in it, but you stood there looking in the mirror saying to yourself (among expletives), "WELL, WHAT NOW?".

First let's talk about WHY this happens, then let's talk about what to do next.

No matter where we are with our fitness, there are simply going to be days where we're feeling "off". We could be dealing with a stressful situation at work and the upcoming meetings and tasks are clouding our brain, or we could be dealing with our period and all the hormones present with that, or we could be nursing a new or old injury. Hell, we could be simply dealing with a not so sound sleep, or a cranky neck from resting on it wrong the previous night.

I often speak with my distance coaching clients who some days, have finished a workout and felt like they BARELY squeaked it out but then other days, they CRUSHED their workout and feel like they could take on the world.

It's normal and happens to the very best athletes: we all of off days.

I had a personal experience with this situation this morning when I began my deadlift day for my Power Lifting training. Warm-up sets felt great, so I did what I normally do and started adding some more weight to the bar to build up to my working weight for the workout. THAT'S WHEN THE BUS CAME TO A SCREECHING HALT.

Lately, I've been paying attention to a small injury that creates some irritation in my left hip so, as I added weight, before I even began the pul in my "sumo stance", I could feel my hip saying "Not today!". So, based on this biofeedback, I switched up my style and tried to pull conventional stance. NOPE.

Commence the swirling thoughts: "What's wrong with me?", "I've been dealing with this injury for so long!", "I'm going to get behind with my training!". Blah-blah-blah-blah.

There's a whole host of reasons why I wanted this workout to happen today, the main reason being that I have a busy travel week ahead so I scheduled this workout, I have all the equipment here, let's just get it done, right?

Nope Jess, not happening.

First: Take a second.

When/if this happens to you - just breathe. Yes, it feels disorienting, frustrating and possibly a little weak to not be meeting your original expectations for your workout, but sitting with the reality of where your mind and body are for a minute can go a long way.

It seems a little woo-woo but in these moments, we can listen to what our body is trying to tell us - or we can force it and risk injury or further frustration. I suggest finding an open space and getting into some deep stretches or mobility work where you can practice some deep, rhythmic breathing....filling the lungs completely (360 degrees) and exhaling all the air out slowly. This, not only serves to calm the mind but will enable you to relax into deep, productive stretches.

Second: Take on the all-or-"something" mindset.

All-or-nothing thinking leads us to one place when we're faced with a workout we're just not feeling anymore. That place is nowhere. I don't know one person who would feel empowered walking out of the gym, having completely abandoned the idea of achieving "something" physical that day. While, yes, another alternative is to sit in the sauna and meditate a bit (great for stress reduction), let's not abandon the workout completely if we don't have to.

Third: Apply the one-move comeback.

While any given workout in a training program might call for 4 or 5, all the way up to 12-15, stretches/exercises in each workout, the key to switching from an all-or-nothing to an all-or-something mindset lies in simplicity. Make it easy on yourself to re-engage and get moving.

Today, I chose a metabolic circuit on my stationary bike in my gym. I rolled the bike out from the wall, hopped on and got to work. For me, I needed the dopamine release of a good sweat so a quick 10 minute HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) workout on my bike was the perfect solution to ease me out of frustration and back into action. (If you choose this type of workout, crank up your resistance and push as hard and fast as possible for 30-45 seconds, rest nice and easy at no resistance for the same amount of time and continue for 10 minutes).

An alternative to a machine might be to hit the road for some sprints with walking segments in between or to choose your favorite hybrid move, like a heavy dumbbell-squat press and complete HIIT intervals, working for one minute, resting for minute, for a total of 10 minutes. Simple and effective.

Fourth (and most important): Don't take it personally!

Simply put, we all have good days and bad days and a simple restorative sleep could bridge the gap between the two. There may not be a big, deep seated reason why your workout isn't in the cards for you today. Recognize the power in saving the workout by doing "something" and walk of the gym feeling empowered in your ability to take action, even when you felt anything but powerful in the moment.

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A FRIDAY NIGHT MESSAGE FOR YOU, MAMA.

2/10/2017

Hey Mom, I see you. I know you're tired.

Your house is a mess. You missed your workout(s) this week. Despite your plan to cook every night, you broke down and ordered pizza last night.

The kids rooms are full-on hazmat areas and there's 10 days of laundry that somehow accumulated over the last 2. You've cleaned up legos 24.5 times this week (and they're there again, strewn all over the floor).

You ate a cupcake for breakfast but you posted a picture of your lunch salad on IG so show how healthy you are (mostly for yourself). You might have a cupcake for dinner, too.

You haven't had one adult conversation that wasn't interrupted with 35 incessant "Moms?" in the background (to that end, you might feel like you're going crazy because you can't follow one thought through until the end).

You still have to pay the bills you meant to pay on Monday. You actually can't find them now.

You used 'screen time' a bit more this week than you ever planned to you would when you were pregnant. You are tired. So tired.

If you worked out of the home this week, you know this weekend won't be relaxing, even if it will be full of wonderful family time. And, if you've worked at home this week as a full-time caregiver, your weekend resembles your week and you still have no rest waiting for you. Sorry.

Pour a glass of wine (go ahead, I'll wait), then listen to me...

...if your health is weighing on your mind as yet another thing that you didn't quite move forward the way you wanted this week, know this: there is literally no where you "should" be right now (or any time for that matter...this is all in your head).

Every single mamas journey is different. You don't need your pre-baby body back at by a certain time (or ever) and you only need to do as much as you are comfortable with (always). Ease up, ease way up and breathe. Talk kindly to yourself. There's so much more value in the quiet you can create than the chaos you chase.

Your health journey does not begin or end...it's a living, breathing experiment and you get to determine it's pace, trajectory and how it feels for you. Use your powerful mama's intuition to know that this week - it just wasn't your week - and that, sister, is perfectly ok.

CP Club is a fit lifestyle club dedicated to helping busy women get strong and become healthy and happy in their bodies - encouraging them to take on full autonomy with their health journey. In CP Club we: unlock individualized fat-loss, get consistent with our fitness and nutrition and make lasting friendships. Registration is open through midnight tonight (Friday, February 10). Learn more about our tribe here.

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A TRIBE CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

2/9/2017

GET THE GOODS ON CP CLUB HERE!

If you're silently chasing a health goal, I want you to hear this: you deserve accountability and connection.

As a health coach, I've been hearing a common theme form my clients lately and it's this need to not announce what they're working towards with the people they love, and spend their time with - mostly because they're afraid of failing.

We don't want to say, "I'm trying to lose weight" because, well, what if it doesn't happen? What if we go to dinner and want to order something "off plan" and get judged for it. What if we don't order our "usual" and opt for something more in line with our goals and catch a little grief because of it? And worse, what if we do everything we can do and we still don't look different?

We feel like, by admitting our goals, we're putting ourselves up on display for everyone's judgement and say of how well we're doing.

Important to note, though: sometimes when we decide to create positive change for ourselves, the people we are close to don't get it at first (and maybe, sometimes never do). Most of the time, this is because they are unsure of what the change means to them and how it might affect their relationship with us. Will we change? Who will we become? And, will they be comfortable with it?

And the sort of unpleasant bit below it all is that OUR change may be uncomfortable for those we are close to because it may bring up some undesirable feelings about how they are living THEIR lives. Their shame, their challenges, their hidden desires.

It might be true that you're relationship will shift a bit. Are you buddies that love to window shop and eat pastries together? Did you love to lament about how Carol from accounting spends her life at the gym and is wasting her time? Certain conversations and occasions may feel a bit uneasy at first as you navigate to rewrite those narratives together. But, just because you're evolving does not mean you are growing apart. You get to decide that.

Of course, in the end, you are responsible for how you feel about your choices and your loved ones are responsible for theirs. I understand, though, it's irresistible to want to minimize and keep things safe for those we love, but your ownership is in your choices and your desired outcomes.

HOW TO GET CONNECTED TO PEOPLE WHO 'GET YOU':

If you're craving connection with people who get you, social media is a wonderful, wonderful place. For all our gripes about the political nature of FB - the rants, the trolls, the negativity - FB and Instagram, even Snapchat too, are wonderful places to connect with those who's vibe is exactly what you need and want for your goals. Those who inspire you to put one foot in front of the other, help you feel a part of something and make you want to keep going, even when it doesn't feel great.

My friend Neghar Foononi, an activist and champion for body positivity posted what I thought to be a really meaningful IG story recently that hit me with all the feels.

In the series of videos, Neg talked passionately about female body positivity and the understanding that we don't need to conform to society's ideals for how a women should look, especially as a source of our self-worth and belonging. She said, "This is about you and what you want for your life...do you".

In the past few years I have experimented with body building and power lifting and as a result of those things, my body shape has changed. More muscle, more power, less traditional femininity. I've also completely shifted from a career in Sales Management to becoming a personal trainer and health coach. I've evolved and focused on huge personal development. And, I won't lie that I've had moments where I've thought to myself, "Are my friends/family/colleagues/clients going to be ok with this?".

Neghar finished up by saying, "And if you change your mind", she says, "That's ok too. That's what this life experiment is all about. You have every right to continue to evolve and change the way you define yourself and the way you show up in the world".

So, if you want to step into a more powerful and confident self where you're chasing fat-loss, a performance goal, a new career, a brand new hobby, a new definition of health...anything. Go! Do it!

I truly don't know where I'd be without my sisters in the fitness industry. Without their friendship and support, I may not have continued to redefine myself professionally and move into the entrepreneur life. I have extensive support networks in the online space from business to fitness and I'm 100% positive I wouldn't be where I am without the connections I've made.

I want this for you too. You deserve it. You can gain access to these types of connections, or tribes, by seeking out free FB communities that are geared towards your goals and values. You can choose to follow leaders who are doing things you want to be doing and you can connect with and get support from people who are exactly where you are in the journey as well.

And if Be PowerFULL is your vibe and you're ready to build a sustainable healthy LIFESTYLE that's sane, realistic and tailored to busy women, the Connect + Be PowerFULL Member Club may just be the community you crave. See, I get you. I've juggled my career, family and health and know exactly what it takes to break free from the yo-yo diet cycle and get results. CP Club is monthly membership coaching community with women just like you who are unlocking their fat-loss and stepping into a powerful, more confident way of life. Ready?

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Wear Your Fitness Results: #BignessProject

1/24/2017

My friends Kourtney Thomas and Jen Sinkler have put together a 14-week fitness program that if I'm honest (which I always am) makes my heart skip a beat in the very best way possible.

It's so good, you guys.

Both of these women are very good friends of mine, we share similar goals for business and life, but until I sat down and interviewed Kourtney about this program, Bigness Project, I had no idea that we also share a VERY similar story with how we fell in love with building muscle and literally wearing our fitness results. It's all about the shoulders, baby. But, it wasn't always.

See, we both have been athletes much of our lives but our goal wasn't always about building muscle. In fact, we both studied fitness magazines, trying the best we could to achieve in our sport but also to get smaller and leaner aesthetically, because that's what women are supposed to do, right?! Kourtney told me, "I’ve spent a lifetime embracing smallness – I’m a petite person, and for a long time, I subscribed to society’s standards of women and smallness."

I get her.

I can remember in college and my young 20's wishing that I had a smaller frame, avoiding any clothes that made my swimmer's shoulders look any bigger than they actually were (shoulder pads in my suits? hell no!) and doing everything I could to become smaller. Kourtney agreed saying, "I had always hated my big arms and shoulders; I thought they were out of proportion with the rest of my body".

Though I never chased sports entirely for vanity (to achieve a certain physique), I'd be lying if that thought wasn't at the forefront of why I fell so hard for the sport. Sure, there's performance and the thrill of competition and the mental game that I love so much about training and competing, but very close-by was my desire to obtain a particular physique. When I trained for my first season of triathlons, I remember thinking, "I can't wait to get super lean (read: small) like the top finishers!". It was all about getting and staying small for me.

It wasn't always this way for me. In fact, I distinctly remember watching the Olympics back in the 80's and being in awe of the female athlete's strong, athletic bodies. Swimmers, gymnasts, skaters...they were strong, confident and owned their sport like a boss. I admired their confidence. I was inspired by their physical strength. But, somewhere along the way, Teen Magazine, Cosmo and Seventeen, sunk their grip into my subconscious and I began to abhor my muscular build as I realized it wasn't feminine or "ideal".

Fortunately, this all changed when I began my fitness coaching business, Be PowerFULL, after a 10 year career in Corporate America. I felt called to help women to embrace their fitness, step into their mental power and in doing so, live full lives. I did, and still do, coach women on how to lose-fat, build muscle and trust themselves around food. But, when I first started coaching, my focus was still to help them get smaller, like I had done much my life. Confidence, consistent, educated about their bodies, but chasing lean, first.

As I have built my business the past few years, I've attended some of the very best fitness conferences put on by women, for women, and in doing so, have built a tribe of close friends and mentors who inspire me to buck the system, to get bigger because strength feels good, to literally and figuratively wear the results of my work in the gym.

I've trained for hypertrophy (putting on muscle), I've trained for fat-loss, I've trained for powerlifting and I continue to follow programming that makes me feel full and proud (with zero attachment to how others feel about my results). It's liberating as I recognize that I literally don't need anyone's approval of how I'm doing. If I go up in size because my jeans can't fit my glutes or I can't buy a button down shirt because it doesn't fit my biceps, that's fine. It's wonderful even. When asked, I now tell women that my favorite part of my body are my shoulders and like Kourtney, I now want to make them even bigger.

Kourtney told me, "It hadn’t occurred to me to train specifically to increase {my shoulders} size even more. When it did? Turns out, I loved it more than I ever thought possible. And that feeling, that confidence and power that came from having control over my decision to train deliberately for a look that I chose – not anyone else, not society, or magazines, or anything else – that was a game changer. Not only did it change everything about how I thought about training and my body, but it changed a lot about the rest of my life too. I hadn’t realized just how much I deferred to societal norms. I’m kind of a loud and bold woman – I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been shushed when I get excited. Embracing my physical size gave me the confidence to embrace my full being and my full voice too. My relationships changed, my business changed, everything changed. Big arms are fun, but creating the big life that I want for myself is even more fun. The two things go hand in hand, and that’s where my motto " Big Arms, Big Life" came from.

Are you ready to WEAR your fitness results, too?
As a personal trainer, one of the biggest things I hear from the women I work with is that they feel like they work incredibly hard at their fitness but they don't look like they work out. If you want to look like you work out, I have one answer for you: #BignessProject.

But, I get it, if you haven't trained intentionally for building muscle size, a hypertrophy program might feel intimidating, right?

This is why I asked Kourtney to break down what hypertrophy means and how this type of training can fit into YOUR current workout routine.

Me: Who is Bigness Project built for, advanced athletes or the general fitness enthusiasts? And, could you explain what hypertrophy training means?
Kourtney: The Bigness Project is built for anyone and everyone – yes, I really mean it. Whether you’re just getting into lifting or you’re seasoned, you can do this program, and you can get a lot out of it. The textbook definition of hypertrophy is “muscular enlargement resulting from training, primarily owing to an increase in the cross-sectional area of the existing fibers.” But really, all hypertrophy training means is that we’re specifically training to increase muscle size. We like muscles ‘round these parts.

Me: What would you say to the women out there who are into running, spin and/or group fitness classes who don't feel like they look like they workout, and feel a bit unfulfilled from the work they put in?
Kourtney: Ha, first, I feel you. I was in your shoes not too long ago, and I really do understand. So second, when I say that focusing on building muscle is the direction you’re looking for, I hope that you will trust me and at the very least, give it a try for a while. The misconception that cardio is the way to the physique you’re picturing in your mind (that’s different for everyone, of course, but we all like curves and cuts) has been around for decades. And don’t get me wrong – I love cardio, it’s essential for the total health picture. But for physique goals? It’s not your best bet. I’d encourage you to give hypertrophy a try and see what happens. Because I am willing to bet that you’ll love the results.

Me: Let's talk about the large population of women who have historically always trained for cardiovascular results. As a runner yourself, what does hypertrophy training mean to these women?
Kourtney: Absolutely. As I noted, aerobic training is my home base. Hypertrophy training is a definite source of controversy in the endurance running (and endurance sports) world. Tradition would say that you need to be smaller, lighter to be faster, to be good at your sport. But from personal experience, and with some newer scientific studies to back it up, packing on some lean muscle can add to your performance. The stronger you are, the more power you can generate, and the more easily you can fight off fatigue. There’s a growing number of endurance athletes who are bucking the old traditions and embracing more muscles with great results.

Me: Not all women are currently embracing muscle in the way that we now are. What would you say to women who are curious about training for more muscle but are also a bit worried about making the switch?
Kourtney: Take a deep breath and try it. Ask yourself this: has what you’ve been doing been working? Has it been providing you with the physique results that you’re looking for? If the answer isn’t a full and resounding yes, I encourage you to give something different a try. What’s the absolute worst that can happen? Because I bet something really great will happen, like maybe getting jacked and/or discovering more about your body and your mind than you ever thought possible.

If you're ready to embrace bigness, I wholeheartedly invite you to check out Bigness Project (discounted rate through this Friday), which has just opened it's doors for enrollment today. Learn more here.

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BE A BASIC B*TCH for better results.

1/17/2017

Are you a basic b*tch? You know, the cold-pressed juice and pumpkin spice latte loving, Mean Girls quoting b*tch? 😉

Pic from www.popsugar.com

In this blog I'm gonna play around with a new way to be oh so #basic - and it's not about going all things predictably according to pop culture. I want you to get basic in your nutrition and exercise so you can stay consistent when life gets busy (which it does!).

What tends to happen when we start a new nutrition program is we focus on how we're going to cook from scratch, never eat out, prep our pretty little containers all the time. Fine, that works. But, what happens when even prepping food becomes tough to fit in?

Imagine how exhausting it would be for us to make every single meal we prepare Food Network "Chopped" worthy?

The fresh herbs and the enormous pantry with every basket ingredient you can imagine...you know, just in case you are in the mood for exotic flavors on a random Tuesday night. The fancy plates and presentation. The intention that we're actually going to eat like humans at the dinner table each night from a real dinner plate.

Cough-cough, raise your hand if you actually don't even use your kitchen table! 🖐🏽

To me, stocking the kitchen for that unlikely series of events would mean an inevitable damn near exodus of all of those once gorgeous herbs, now soggy and forgotten, and shuttled into the trash to make room for the new haul of ingredients (which still won't be used).

It's a nice thought, but even if we can cook from scratch for 4+ meals a week, is it realistic to assume we can keep it up?

I'll fess up. When I began Be PowerFULL and started putting together fat-loss nutrition plans for my 1:1 and group clients, I made detailed grocery lists and laid out every single meal (all different, mind you) for my client's entire week of eating.

Everything from herbed chicken chop salads with homemade dressing for lunch to veggies with cashew dip for snack to make-from-scratch dinners every night of the week. Sure, some meals were cooked in bulk to eat for lunch or leftovers but 75% of the meals were different.

I had this overwhelming desire to make things really interesting for my clients. To keep them engaged, to give them different flavors, to prove that eating for fat-loss doesn't have to mean you're destined for a lifetime of steamed chicken and broccoli for every meal.

Now several years into my coaching business, I realize, I was asking my clients to do something I wasn't even doing for myself.

In the background, I'd be over here automating my nutrition: opting for re-heated organic chicken sausage to toss on a salad or blending up a 30 second protein shake (the same flavors that I had already had 3x already that week) or hitting up my Quest Bar supply in the pantry on the regular.

Years later, I now know is that simplicity is KEY for sustainability with our eating habits.

I don't feel the need to impress my clients with variety anymore. In fact, I value offering "actionable" tools over "impressive" ones. Impressive is flashy, actionable gets results.In a way, variety is earned.

My top 5 ways to be a basic b*tch in the kitchen:
#1: Focus on lean protein and high fiber (from vegetables) at every meal. Forget about carb cycling, gut health and micro-nutriments if you currently eat Oreos at lunch time. Focus on the big rocks and the pebbles will fall into place later.
#2: Roast a tray of veggies early in the week to eat all week or just buy veggies you don't mind eating raw like sliced peppers, cucumber, celery and greens. Focus on simplicity not gourmet meal prep.
#3: Find your favorite packaged snacks and stock up. I like minimally processed beef jerky, high protein and low starch bars like Quest and on the go single serving nutritional shake packets from VegaSport.
#4: Stock your fridge with lean protein each week. Either cook up a few packages of chicken before the week gets started or buy a few rotisserie chickens. No fuss.
#5: Get bored. Not every meal needs to be a barn burner. We're on the go, getting things done, some meals can simply be fuel.

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WHY I'M NOT WORKING OUT TODAY.

11/8/2016

I guess I just always assumed that taking it easy on myself, which was always advice I deflected, was about being weak and giving up.

Neither of those things, weakness or complacency, are true for me today though.

In the past several years, I’ve been really leaning into the practice of self-care, with the help of fabulous role models like Neghar Fonooni, and using that self-care as a tool for leveling up and doing more meaningful work in my life.

This is quite the opposite of how I always imagined self-care to be. I always imagined self-care to be a way of becoming lazy, complacent, and basically, a sure-fire method way to completely lose momentum. Of course, the recovering perfectionist side of me, also believed that ‘resting on my laurels’ was a bad look for anyone watching me try to achieve.

Sure, there’s actually many ways to practice self-care, and not all need to be about inviting ease and slowing down through things like journaling, meditation, yoga, baths, sleep or a massage.

Sometimes, in fact, the type of self-care we really need is to force ourselves to crush that WOD that’s making our heart skip a beat so we can prove to ourselves how damn capable we are.

Today, though, I’m leaning into inviting serious ease as a way to become more focused and productive with my work.

With a business, two kids and a husband that travels at times, my self-care game needs to be on point if I want to have the clarity of mind to create, write and introspect for my business on a regular basis.

At times in the past few months, I’ve felt frantic sitting down to work thinking, ”AH, THERE'S SO MUCH TO DOOOOOOOO!”. Sometimes that results in a buzzing of positive energy, other times it's more of an energy drain. My intuition always knows (if I'm listening).

If you’ve ever waited tables you know what being “in the weeds” is all about. Busing tables, putting in orders, having polite conversation with new patrons then running to the kitchen to answer your buzzer because another table's food is up, rushing to the computer to put in new orders, delivering drinks for 3 tables at a time, etc. It’s this frantic multi-tasking and “doing” that feels quite amazing (or terrifying at the time). But, at the end of the shift, you crash and crash hard, don’t you?

Like our metabolism, when we push up against our intuition again and again, it will fight back until we listen. This morning, with my kids playing at my feet, breakfast burning on the stove, and thoughts racing through my head of how to do 5 different tasks by only walking across the room 2 times (c'mon efficiency!), I stopped myself dead in my tracks.

"Too much, Jess".

Here's what happened when I listened:

- I went to my calendar, canceled my own workout for the day which is typically on the calendar for after my mid-morning group coaching session.

- I sat with my kids and played for 20 uninterrupted minutes and we made the biggest, baddest super-hero parking lot of matchbox cars that ever existed.

- When the kids left for the day, I took the longest uninterrupted shower (without kids on the other side of the shower door, pouring out my hundred dollar cosmetics).

- I put on makeup, blowdried my hair and put on real adult clothes (sorry, leggings) and headed for the polls to cast my vote.

- I meditated using my favorite Rainbow Relaxation with Marie Mongan.

- I played on social media (just played, not worked) while I ate an amazing salad from Whole Foods.

- Then, I spent the rest of my work day crushing projects, feeling more tune with my vision than I have been in a while.

I'm sure glad I finally listened this morning.

And, guess what's there for me when I'm ready tomorrow morning? My workout. ;)

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GOODBYE SCALE, HELLO INTUITION.

10/24/2016

For as long as I can remember, my mother has weighed herself daily, sometimes many times a day. On many occasions, I've lovingly (ok, sarcastically) asked her to please consider all the ways that the scale might lie. Perhaps she'd had more sodium than usual the day before, or is holding water due to something else in her diet recently. Or, maybe she was on her feet and inflammation in her joints or muscles might be the culprit of a .5 lb increase?

I love this woman like crazy! Her attachment to the scale though, I could do without. On family vacation, she might come downstairs in the morning and say something like "I'm up a pound, I need to be really good this morning!". She even went so far as to wait to eat or drink an ounce one morning after staying over at one of my sister's homes, so she could go to the other sister's home (they live minutes apart) to weigh herself with a more accurate scale. She's a professional, guys. :P

I am not making fun, in fact, I'm shedding light on something that 99% of my clients struggle with. It's this attachment to the number that displays on the scale as a way to control our relationship with food. If we're up a pound or two from where we should be...gotta reign it in today. If we're down a few...well, hell yes, I'd like a donut! We either berate ourselves and decide we have to be good if the scale deems us unworthy - or - we celebrate and loosen up if the scale says "Good job!" and we're at our number.

What if our relationship with food did not rely on an objective value from the scale?

What if we woke up each day, whether it was Sunday or Wednesday, and ate exactly the same as we do any day. What if we didn't wait to weigh ourselves before we decide how we'll eat, but instead simply focused on foods that; taste good, keep us fuller for longer, that control our hunger, don't spike our cravings and keep us energized?

What if instead of listening to the subconscious banter in our heads set off by a number, we instead checked in with our intuition and ate the foods that simply make us feel our best?

I don't pretend to ignore the fact that the scale is a tool, a useful tool at that, to help us stay on track towards our goals. But, it's only one of many check in tools that could help us track our progress. In my membership coaching program, Connected + Powerfull, we'll be exploring the key check-in tools for sustainable fat-loss and most importantly, how to eat as I explain above where we don't need the scale to pass 'go'.

Today, I called to check in on my rock-star, now-weight lifting mama. I've turned her on to increasing her weight training and decreasing her strictly cardio workouts and I truly wish I could bottle the excitement I hear on the other end of the line when she reports in on her training sessions! It's no surprise to me that since weight training, my mom has focused less on these scale and more on her performance.

Guess who's now gone a full week without so much as TOUCHING the scale. That's right mom, you go girl.

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Want to join an incredible community of like-minded women to get the best results you've ever seen in your health? Want to learn how to keep those results forever? Change the game for good in your health journey. Connected + Powerfull, my membership coaching group, launches on November 1st and it's going to be epic. Monthly coaching modules and habit challenges, a private closed community of coaching/support and fat-loss modules on workouts, nutrition and mindset. It's going to be a game changer and I can't wait to get started. Early bird pricing going on this week for my wait list...join the wait list here!

CP Club | Online Fitness and Nutrition Training Facebook Group | Jessica Oar | Be PowerFULL

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MENU SELECTION ANXIETY: DO YOU HAVE IT?

10/10/2016

When it comes time to make your menu selection at meals out, do you freeze?

Let me set the stage.

You're sitting there, sipping on your seltzer water with lemon, chatting with a friend, menus in hand and the server comes over to take your order.

"Would you like any appetizers to start?", he asks.

You and your friend look at each other and quickly study each other's faces. "How are we doing this?", you think. "Are we being good or are we going to order what we REALLY want?".

You eye the bruschetta appetizer on the menu but then you rationalize that if you're going to eat carbs like that, you might as well order the pasta bolognese dish that you were sort of eying, too.

But, "I don't know", you backtrack, "I could keep this really healthy and actually like myself after the meal. I haven't been to the gym all week, I'll sure as hell not go tonight after a big meal!".

Your friend interrupts your mental gymnastics and answers the servers question with an upbeat, "No, we're all set!" and you quickly switch personas, getting ready to order a Greek Salad with grilled chicken, with no cheese, no croutons and dressing on the side, extra pepperoncini (because we need SOME flavor going on, right?).

How many times have we each gone through this in our lifetime?

I can remember so many dinners where my friends and I would sit, catching up over open menus, sending the server away five times because we "haven't looked yet" and then I'd slowly feel that creeping anxiety build...

Are we going to put on airs about being perfect with our diet or are we going to actually enjoy what we eat tonight?

Are we going to order everything we never let ourselves have and celebrate girl time, life, whatever we can think of to celebrate, or are we going to get real specific about our dietary needs, and ask the chef to:
"hold the sauce"

"put the dressing on the side"

"please swap in cold-pressed extra virgin organic olive oil instead of canola oil".

How many times have we ordered first in a group and by the time the server made his or her way around taking everyone's clean, healthy orders after us, we grab the server before she leaves the table to sheepishly say, "Can I change that side of fries to the seasonal veggies, instead?".

It's almost like it would be easier if we submitted our orders ahead of time so as not to be influenced by each other's on the wagon or off the wagon choices, right?

I think there are 2 things at play when this happens:

1. We are still looking at food as either bad or good. As long we believe that food is either bad or good we will have a mental "approved" or "unapproved" list of foods. Approved foods fit perfectly into the mold of anything we've ever read about healthy, weight-loss friendly foods and anything else...it's going to derail us. No in between...zero gray area.

I was dropping my kids at school this morning and heard a radio morning show talking about what to eat to lose weight. One jock said: "Do you know how much FAT is in a caesar salad? You might as well just eat a sandwich!".

It's this type of all-in or all-off thinking that makes it impossible for us to actually succeed longterm on a diet. Because, we'll either opt for no dressing at all, barely enjoy the salad and eat cookies in an hour, or we'll opt for a big 'ole sandwich because we might as well "just go for it".

Couldn't we order the Caesar salad, get the dressing on the side so we have control over how much we use but still enjoy the hell out of it? Can't we have some cheese on top? At least, we'd get some great nutrients and actually feel satisfied after the meal instead of the dissatisfaction we'd have walking away from a grilled chicken breast and steamed veggies! And, wouldn't that fat in the dressing be a drop in the bucket compared to the 3 cupcakes we'd eat mid-afternoon after our bland "perfect" choice?

Something to consider.

2. We believe that our meal selection defines us. We want to be known as fit and in shape and health conscious so when we're with people who's opinions matter the most to us, we can't possibly show any flaws. And selecting anything that isn't completely clean, well, they're most definitely going to be thinking, "I can't believe she's eating that GLUTEN!". So, we learn to eat clean in public and cheat in private...as if that actually helps us long term.

What if we shifted our perspective and allowed ourselves to live in the middle of deprivation and indulgence? What if we recognized that this shift might allow us to feel more satisfied after meals so we DON'T go binge later. What if the absence of those binges now helped us step into our power to order whatever the heck we want at a restaurant because we know this strategy is working for us longterm?

My husband and I went out to eat last week to celebrate our 8th Anniversary and I have to say, it felt remarkably different than our 1st Anniversary meal out. I remember years ago that I had deprived myself all week for the big meal out. And then, mentally prepared that, after that meal, I was going to be "good" again. So naturally, I had to eat all the bread, all the pasta, all the treats and wine now, while I could. I had to stop for more candy on the way home.

Thankfully, years later, after practicing moderation for quite some time now, things felt more natural. I didn't gorge myself on food. I didn't make snide remarks about eating some of the bread, like "Oh man, I'm being so bad!".I had some wine. I had some oysters. I had some bread dipped in olive oil. I ordered a phenomenal cracked pepper crusted steak with AMAZING brussel spouts and broccolini on the side. I ate to 80, maybe 85% fullness and walked away happy, satisfied and not stuffed. I had candy after but one or two, not the whole bag. I took home the leftovers and made it into an amazing breakfast.

Start to notice: do you feel anxious making your menu selection? What's coming up for you in that moment? Could you enjoy what you really want in moderation and be better for it in the long run?

Like what you read? Join my inner circle here and get free guidance on healthy living right to your inbox each week!

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TOUGH LOVE IS STILL OK.

9/6/2016

Many inspiring leaders in the health + fitness space today are talking about self-compassion and a pulling back from hardcore methods as a means to break free from that which is keeping us stuck. Because, sometimes to move forward we have step back; invite ease, show ourselves some grace, rest, slow down, re-assess.

As a society, we are over-trained, over-dieted, over-worked, over-committed...over-done.

I admit to living quite a long period of over-doneness in my mid 20's to early 30's. Chasing advancement at work, obsessing over starting a family, training for race after race after race, traveling too much (though it WAS fun!) and dieting too restrictively. I believed that being excessively hard on myself was the only way to move ahead and self-compassion? Well, that was giving up, being too soft.

While I do believe that hustling for our worthiness (i.e. spending hours in the gym to work off last weekend's sins or starving ourselves for a week before a social event to look our best for others) can be a harmful path, I also believe that owning a voice of personal tough love IS necessary to staying in the game towards our goals when inevitably, motivation wanes.

We are bound to meet a day where we just don't want to workout or an evening where a glass of wine and a bath or the couch and some oreos, sounds far more intriguing than the sweat session we've planned. But, deep down, we know that we'll be better for it, emotionally and physically, if we dig in and do the workout anyway.

That's grit, my friend. Taking action.

The biggest struggle I hear from women I coach in my business, Be PowerFULL, is how hard it is to stay motivated to workout. They'll get on a great track, consistent for weeks on end, and then they'll miss one workout, and then another...and then they fall in the inevitable rut.

Ugh, why is it so g-damn hard to get out of a rut?

Sometimes, a little healthy tough love is exactly what we need to pick ourselves up and get over that awkward hump of inaction.

So, what's the difference between healthy tough love and hustling for our worthiness?

The hustle for worthiness feels like need to perfect, to perform or to prove to someone (mainly ourselves) that we need to do this thing over here, exactly this way, in order to be accepted and enough. Eat perfectly clean, look a certain way, be completely in control of our children, our weight, our partner, our career. The hustle tends to be wrought with perfectionism and fueled by shame.

Healthy tough love, though, is our smart, intuitive voice (our gut) that forces ourselves to take responsibility for our actions and outcomes. The voice that pops up and says "yes" even when the easier thing to do is to say "no" and sit on the sidelines. The voice that says "I can't NOT do this, anymore".

It's the voice that knows that we can handle short term pain, and that the short term pain will save us from longterm heartache.

It's the voice that gets us out of bed after pressing the snooze button twice because we know the workout will do us good.

It's the voice that says "Nah, the brownie isn't necessary tonight because we've got this goal over here we're working towards".

A common way tough loves shows up for me is when I'm mid-workout, feeling a bit off and frankly, wanting to put the weights down and walk away. Sometimes, I should walk away. But, many times, I know I'm safe, I have the energy and it's ok to push hard, it's just my mind is getting in the way.

I think of something that's happening later that day, a big meeting, a program launch, a new client appointment and I say to myself, "If you can't do this right now, Jess, that's not going to go the way you want it to".

I think of how badly I want that thing to go successfully, whatever it is, and I dig into my reservoir of strength and let my workout represent the attitude I'll want and need for later.

Jessica Oar Get Gritty During Weightlifting | Be PowerFULL | Fitness and Nutrition Training | South Shore MA

Failing is not an option now if I want to succeed later.

This has proven to work every single time I've used it. And no, using this tough love tool doesn't mean the workout has to end perfectly, or even that the thing later goes perfectly, but only that I took myself in that moment, from my "no" to a "yes" with the way I framed the temporary discomfort. I did a couple more reps than I thought I could, I pushed through the discomfort and held on a moment longer.

I put the challenge in front of me in the context of how I want to show up for something that matters to me later. So then, it's not as easy as walking away from the workout, it's about setting myself up to win later. I have outcomes attached to whether I decide to take action or shy away and give up.

Tough love doesn't need to be harmful and self-deprecating in order to be useful.

Next time you start saying "no" for yourself, can you instead reframe the challenge and think of how saying "yes" in this temporary moment can make you better in the long run? I sure hope so.

2 Comments

not up for comment.

8/30/2016

Your Body Is Not A Topic of Conversation | Jessica Oar | Be PowerFULL | Fitness and Nutrition Coach | South Shore MA

This past weekend, I was out to a nice dinner with a bunch of friends. As we settled in at our table, our server, a woman, came over to take our drink order and when she walked away, a lively debate ensued.

See, she was stunningly gorgeous. Tanned skin, bright eyes, long dark hair and a black tank top on revealing her cut, muscular arms, chest and shoulders. She was adorned in some places with gold temporary tattoos.

It was obvious that she is an athlete and lifts weights regularly. As someone who values building muscle, I admired her traps, delts and forearms. As I personally work hard to build muscle, I absolutely love seeing women rock strong bodies. We all admired her and the men olged a bit and voiced their intimidation.

There we sat, all of us, talking about her body.

Each time she came to the table and left, the conversation would come back to her physique. "Is she a body builder?", "A power lifter?", "A physique competitor?", "She could beat me up!", "She could beat you up!", "Man, she looks strong!".

Overall, the tone of the conversation was one of awe and admiration. But, I still couldn't shake that it was none of our business anyway, no matter if what we felt about her body was positive or negative. We could feel that she was the most attractive or unattractive person on this earth, but it's still none of our business to judge her physique, let alone TELL HER how we feel about HER body.

Do we have the right to comment on her body because it's clear that she may work hard at it?

Are we obligated to say something just because we notice it?

Do we even know how SHE feels about her body? Would a compliment be well received or would our seemingly harmless comments about her body cause her damage in some way?

The opinions varied around the table; someone thought that she may work hard and be thrilled to talk about her training, while someone else thought she'd be might be embarrassed and feel put on the spot, and someone else thought that NOT saying something might actually be worse.

We finally arrived at the fact that her physique is not an elephant in the room that must be addressed.

Just because she is wearing clothes that happen to show her muscular physique, she is not displaying her body for public opinion or feedback. She's simply wearing a tank top, on a hot night, to do her job. The fact that she has temporary tattoos adorning on her chest and bicep still don't give us the right to comment on her physique. Her body is not up for public interpretation. All that matters is how she chooses to think and talk about her body.

The women around the table couldn't help but bring up the true elephant in the room. What if our server that night was a man who was impressively built? Would our boyfriends and husbands agree that his physique was something that needed to be talked about, validated and complimented just the same as our female waitress. Would it have been such a lively discussion?

I want to be clear, this isn't an attack on our partners. To a degree, women owning their ability to be more and not less, to build muscle and not obsess over being skinny and lean like the headlines want us to...it's a relatively new movement (but it's gaining momentum!). This conversation is more about the fact that regardless of what we do with our bodies, no matter how hard (or not) that we work, the only opinion of our body that matters is ours.

Our physiques are not up for comment.

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GO BE YOURSELF.

8/25/2016

I'm about to drop a major truth bomb on you. Ready?

Stop trying to be like everyone else. It's YOU that will make you successful.

As a solo-preneur (in charge of myself and myself only with my business) I can find at times that my biggest opportunity, working for myself, can also be my biggest obstacle.

See, if I wanted to, I could spend HOURS consuming my peers work. Studying, admiring...and at many times, comparing and feeling less than because of how completely bad-ass a lot of their products and messages are. What at times is exciting, empowering and motivating can turn debilitating, can steal from my peace and wreck havoc on my spark.

"He said that better than I could!"

"How will I ever get to where she is?"

"I don't have his experience!"

"She's fitter than I am!"

"Omg, she's a killer writer!" ... "A better lifter!" ... "A more gifted x, y, z..."

We could do this for days, right? If you think I'm wrong, just notice how you feel next time you're scrolling through your social media feed. We can all get stuck in this comparison trap. And, too often.

In my former career, I was a Sales Manager of a major radio station. I was responsible for hiring new sales talent and then training and developing him/her into a high-performing advertising salesperson.

One piece of advice I always gave my new hires was this: "Find someone successful you respect on our team, in our building, and build a relationship with them".

Why did I give this advice? Well, despite the obvious - that rolling in a successful crowd helps you to level up (and commiserating with the unsuccessful crowd does quite the opposite) - I hoped my newbie would study and emulate the behaviors of their new mentor, noticing the things they consistently did and said that made them successful.

BUT.

There's an essential caveat to this advice and for a bit of time during my first year as a solo-preneur, I conveniently forgot it. By all means, study, research and dissect but then....

Go be yourself.

No one makes people feel at ease in conversations like you. Or, laughs at just the right times like you. Or, writes emails like the reader is in a conversation with a best friend they haven't even met yet, like you. No one explains things like you, has the same personal experience as you...has your background, your quirks, your education. No one knows how to make people feel special, included and a part of something big like you. No one has your strength, your resolve, your thick skin. No one has your competitive spirit, your drive, your courage. Use it, use all of it, to do something big, something you can't even picture right now.

I'm in awe with how much my work with Be PowerFULL comes back to this practice of authenticity, both for myself and my clients. How showing up just as we are is the truest way to drive our success long term. How authenticity is the answer to just about every struggle we're encountering and how showing up exactly as we are levels up our relationships, spirituality, business and health.

Of course, this doesn't mean that we can't evolve, grow and change into a new, improved versions of ourselves every day. Lord knows, I'm not the same person as I was 10 years ago. And frankly, I'd be sad if I was. So many life experiences have shaped me into the new, improved Jess that I am today.

And, trying to be anyone but myself is not only a disservice to myself but those I intend to help.

Go be yourself, the world thanks you.

1 Comment

DO YOU EVEN HAVE FUN WHEN YOU RUN?

8/16/2016

Spoiler: I don't.

I'm not a long-distance runner. I think I've always known this but I never really owned it. For much of my athletic life, I've pushed this form of exercise on myself without really stopping to ask, "Do I actually enjoy this?".

I have always much preferred sprinting short distances to long duration running. As a young athlete, I was pretty darn quick and that explosive power served me well in swimming, soccer, track and lacrosse. In fact, before I knew anything about efficient exercise, I made up my own intense workouts on the street I grew up on. I'd head outside after dark, often to deal with the typical teen angst on days my parents were "the worst", and I'd sprint from one telephone pole to the next, then walk until the next one, sprint again, and so on for about 20 minutes of heart-and-arm pumping exercise.

Ironically though, for most of my 20's, I felt like I needed to run moderate-long distances to stay in shape and looked like I worked out.

The kicker is, I never did get the tight, toned look I wanted. Sure, there were times where I'd follow a restrictive diet and lose 15-20 lbs and appear slimmer, but I wasn't actually working on building, or maintaining, muscle (one of the most important components to metabolism boosting and physique change).

As a long-time athlete, running certainly had it's rewards. I enjoyed pushing myself, seeing progress from consistency and competition, but if I'm honest, I spent more of my time dealing with nagging injuries and procrastinating my workouts than actually enjoying the runs.

Longer distance, moderate-intensity running isn't for everyone. It certainly isn't for me.

Yet, time and time again, I have new clients coming through my doors saying that they feel the same way, but they still do it to get their "cardio".

Long duration cardio has long been heralded as the number one method to burn calories and lose weight. But believing that cardio is the only way to burn calories effectively for physique change is the OLD way of thinking.

I'm psyched to be a part of a community of female trainers who are talking about SO MANY different types of training that can improve our metabolism, get the physique results we want, but more importantly, have a hell of a lot of fun doing it.

To be clear, this is not a hate letter to long-distance running. Not in the least. I work with many women every day who absolutely love this to be a part of their fitness, they are runners through and through and I'm so happy to work with them on rounding out their training.

But if you truly don't have fun when you run (long distance), go ahead and try this highly popular short and sweet track workout (taken from Busy But Burnin', the 6-week fitness & fat loss coaching group!).

For more short and sweet workouts like this, join my Be PowerFULL community to get my free newsletters in your inbox each week!

0 Comments

TRICKS FOR GETTING IN MORE VEGGIES.

8/3/2016